Googlezon–It Begins

The assimilation has begun. Resistance is futile.

Although it wasn’t supposed to happen until 2008, I have evidence that Google and Amazon have already joined forces to create Googlezon, a platform combining Google’s superb seach engine technology with Amazon’s “social recommendation engine” and “huge commercial infrastructure.” Here’s the story:

On Tuesday, I had one of my “40-something” brain lock moments at the office. I had a patient in the chair with early macular degeneration for whom I planned to prescribe Ocuvite eye vitamins. The only problem was I couldn’t for the life of me remember the dosage.

So I turned to my computer and while explaining the reason for the vitamins to the patient, quickly typed “Ocuvite” into Google and found the website, which of course provided me with the proper dosage–all in a matter of seconds.

Yesterday, I went to Amazon to look up a book that I was interested in purchasing, and low and behold, what should I find listed at the top of the page but a “recommendation” suggesting that I purchase Ocuvite along with listings for several other “similar products.”

Whoa. That can only mean one thing–Google ratted me out to Amazon. And that means that the two of them are talking to each other, a full two years ahead of time to boot.

I can only imagine the conversation taking place these days:

Google: “Hey, Z, check out the Eyeguy! He forgot a dosage again and had to look it up. What a loser, I thought doctors were supposed to be gods and know everything.”

Amazon: “What up, G-man?! Yeah, that’s been happening a lot since he turned forty. Say, uh, if you don’t mind me asking, what drug was it?”

Google: “Ocuvite with Lutein. You ought to bring that one to his attention next time he wanders over your way.”

Amazon: “Excellent idea, Goog, will do. What else has he been looking up lately?”

Google: “Well, let’s see…baldness remedies, Nancy Grace, Spinal Tap, oh, here’s something you might be interested in, he seems to be checking out laptops a lot these days. Computers that is, not dancers.”

Amazon: “That can only mean one thing: Mother’s Day is near and he’s thinking about getting a new computer for Eyegal. Typical guy–buy the latest electronic gizmo for your wife so that both of you can use it. What a clueless moron!

Google: “No argument here Z!”

Amazon: “Thanks Goog, that’s very useful information. I’ll flash a few laptops and a few other digital thing-a-ma-jigs next time he’s over here and see if he takes the bait. I might even throw up a few DVDs like King Kong and Jarhead. Heh, now there’s a couple of ‘chick flicks’ for ya!”

Google: “Hey, go easy on him Z! Why don’t you throw in Pride and Prejudice and Tristen and Isolde in there too–don’t make him look too bad. Hey no fair, here I am spilling all the beans and not any poop from you. Come on Zster, give it up!”

Amazon: “All right, all right. The latest titles he’s been checking out include How Soccer Explains the World: An Unlikely Theory of Globalization, Father Joe and Da Vinci Code Decoded. Oh, and check this out. He’s been looking at this book written by some chick named Nancy French which will come out this fall. Get a load of this title: A Red State of Mind: How a Catfish Queen Reject Became a Liberty Belle. Now that sounds like a real must read! Seems he’s also been looking at another one she wrote called South Pacific Journal. Heh, looks like we’ve got a few copies of that one in the bargain bin. Hey, wasn’t there a musical with that name?

Google: “Yup, sounds like a clear cut case of plagiarism to me. Well, that’s all very interesting Z. Ya know, this whole Googlezon thing is working out quite nicely, don’t ya think?

Amazon: “Indeed, G-man, indeed. They’re eating out of our hands and don’t even realize it. Pretty soon, they will be fully assimilated and become one with Googlezon.”

Google: “That’s right, Z! And there’s absolutely nothing they can do about it because, as the Borg would say, ‘resistance is futile.'”

Google and Amazon: (peals of sinister laughter)

And so on and so on, like two cyberwags gossiping across a fence.

This is no dystopian fiction. This is real, and it is happening now. Prepare to be assimilated–Googlezon has begun.

  1. Ed

    As you indicate, resistance is futile. You probably don’t want to know that Z is scanning your drawers with its red laser eye to see what’s in them. Z is the more aggressive of the twins because they are under less scrutiny than G-man. They are parasites attached to your host body. Makes me want to take a bath …

  2. mike the eyeguy


    When you say that Z is scanning my “drawers,” you are referring to furniture, correct?

  3. DJG

    This scares me….I over Google and already have frequent flyer miles with Amazon…..

    I will say that I got a new lap-top for Mother’s Day and LOVE IT!!
    So, I think it is a great ideal!!

  4. Ed

    Yeah, Z is looking into your drawers to see what others have been putting in there.

    (interpretation – Amazon is looking at your cache and cookies on your computer)

  5. mike the eyeguy


    Sounds like you’re pretty far gone. I hope you get one of those cool headsets. Speaking of Mother’s Day gifts, I’m relieved to hear that digital doomaflodgies are an OK gift for today’s hip mammas.


    Ah, so it’s not so much a conversation as it is Google leaving a note which Amazon picks up and reads.

    How dare they look into my drawers and gaze at my cookies! Those are not for public viewing. And it figures Z would be interested in what little cache I have.

    So, great cyberguru, aside from constantly emptying our cache, disabling our cookies and total abstinence, is there any other way to turn back the assimilation before it’s too late?

  6. Nancy

    Laptop — perfect idea, as long as it’s an iBook.


    My poor South Pacific Journal, bless its heart. THEY named it, and gave it a cover that apparently has the guy from Law & Order on it — Sam Waterston! Doesn’t the guy in the plane look like him?


  7. mike the eyeguy


    When you say THEY named it and chose its cover, do you mean your publisher or the evil twins, G-man and Z?

    If Googlezon, then that certainly explains the choice of Sam Waterston!

  8. Anonymous

    I guess both (Google and Amazon) need something new. And by “new” i mean good “social recommendation engine” system maybe like at If that thing could be mixed with Google & Amazon… Well, that would be BIG!

  9. mike the eyeguy

    Thanks for stopping by Anon…I think.

    I bet you’re one of THEM aren’t you? You probably work at this and are hoping that I will stop by that website and drop off a few cookies so that you can then drill your laser-guided recommendations deep into my cerebral cortex.

    Nice try, but no cigar Big Brother. You are so busted!

  10. contratimes

    Here’s a wild thing: Al Gore is the co-founder of Current TV and is on its board (I’ve blogged about this). He’s also on the board of Google. And … he’s on the board of Apple Computers. What does this mean?

    I don’t know. But I do know that I am a Mac user who is blogging for Google (essentially) through Blogger. Is paranoia ever justified?

    And to think Al Gore is concerned, deeply, with the consolidation of power.

    (And that Yahoo [there is no one you can trust!] helped the Chinese government by releasing the names of Yahoo users who violated Chinese internet rules and, well, you’ve got the Big Gulag (Google is the how toddlers say, “Gulag”, in case you were wondering).

    Peace, and keep fighting the good fight!


  11. mike the eyeguy


    Things keep getting curiouser and curiouser…

    It figures that the “Father of the Internet” would be somehow involved in all this. 🙂

    Maybe Agent Mulder was right after all: “Trust no one.”

  12. Nancy

    THEY as in Broadman & Holman, Christian publishers and obviously Law & Order fans…

  13. mike the eyeguy

    Nancy, at least you have a publisher, unlike most of us!

    When I publish my first book, I’d like a Nigel Tufnel look-alike on my cover.

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