Category: Humor

They’re Such a Normal Couple

This exchange is making the rounds:

RR: (on his meeting with UA AD MM): “I’ve got a good job. But I respect Coach Moore and I wanted to listen to what he had to say.”

Reporter: “How long did the meeting last?”

RR: “I’d say about 25, 30 minutes.”

(Then apparently turning to Mrs. RR) “How long did it last, Rita?”

Mrs. RR: “Ninety minutes.”

RR: “Oh. “

(Turning back to reporter) “Well, we didn’t talk about anything specific. We didn’t talk about plans or facilities or anything.”

Ninety minutes of nonspecific discussion (yeah right). But they’re such a normal couple, aren’t they?… Read the rest

Will Rod Get the Nod?

challenger-604.jpgThe Crimson Nation is all atremble this morning at the prospects of having a new HC in our clutches by day’s end. UA AD MM just happened to bump into RR in NYC and they talked turkey. Lots of turkey. Then MM, who had planned to fly on to SB to watch the CT take on ND in BB tonight, got on his chartered Canadair CL-600 Challenger 604 jet in Teterboro, NJ and flew back to T-town instead.

Hmmmmm, strange indeed, wouldn’t you say?

So, will Rod get the nod and get his bod down to T-town in time to save the storied Bama football program and deliver up Lucky #13?… Read the rest

Making a List, Checking It Twice

My source close to the Bama coach search (the bag boy down at Publix whose brother knows somebody who’s a janitor at the football complex in T-town who has the habit of rummaging through the trash) just handed me a copy of Alabama AD Mal Moore’s “To Do” list that he’ll be following today as he attends the College Football Hall of Fame Induction Ceremonies in New York City. Here it is, an Ocular Fusion exclusive:

10. Find limo driver (the one holding the “Roll Tide?” sign)
9. Travel to The Waldorf=Astoria Hotel in style
8. Buy faux Rolexes from the man in the overcoat in Times Square
7.
Read the rest

She’s Baaaack!

Well hush my mouth and slather me in grits! A very important person just payed a call using the following Google search string:

Nike football Alabama

Anybody care to guess who that V.I.P. was?

Date: 30 November Time: 12:44:47

I.P address: 146.197.243.16

Country: United States

City: Beaverton, Oregon

ISP: Nike Incorporated

That’s right–she’s baaaack!

No, really, I want even charge a consulting fee. Just rain down on me a pair of those sweet Air Max 360s.

Read the rest

Help Wanted, Visor Not Required

If you’re interested in following the latest Spurrier/Bama scuttlebutt, this site is probably your best source of unconfirmed rumors in the blogosphere. The folks posting and commenting there are among the most sleep-deprived and bourbon-stoked in the Bama Nation, so check it out.

But then again, maybe you’re interested in applying for the Alabama job yourself. If so, you’ll need to fill out this application. Be sure to type or print clearly.

Finally, I can state for a fact (because I heard him say it with my own ears) that former Tide center and Shula teammate Hoss Johnson has categorically denied having been contacted by the University regarding the coaching opening, despite earlier rumors that Paul Bryant, Jr.’s… Read the rest

All Eyes Are on Teterboro, New Jersey

And now these tantalizing and titillating tidbits from two top-level sources, Anonymous Insider #1 and Anonymous Insider #2:

USC’s plane N351GC has made two trips to Teterboro, NJ (10 miles from Rutgers’ campus) since Saturday’s game. Looks like SS goes to Bama, and USC is trying to get the inside track on Greg Schiano.

T-Town had a flight that left tonight just landed in Teterboro 30 min ago N46E

For the uninitiated, “T-Town” is Tuscaloosa, USC refers to the University of South Carolina, not the Trojans, and SS stands for Steve Spurrier, not Schutzstaffel (at least I think).

Planes are landing everywhere, and now all eyes are on Teterboro, New Jersey.… Read the rest

A Different Kind of Card

johnny-bench.jpgI made clear my citizenship in the Cardinal Nation in yesterday’s post. But as we head in to opening night of this year’s World Series, I should tell you in the interest of full disclosure that there have been other “cards” in my life.

Growing up in Southwest Virginia, I rooted for a different shade of red–The Big Red Machine of Cincinnati to be precise. This came about as the result of an event that took place one Sunday morning in 1970 on the way to church.

My grandmother used to go to church with us back then, and one Lord’s Day she handed me a small card wrapped in thin, nearly transparent paper.… Read the rest

Where Were You in 1968?

molina315x260gm7hr102006.jpgBaseball is one of those sports where King Superstition reigns supreme. Just to prove the point, I’ve intentionally avoided mentioning baseball and my team, the St. Louis Cardinals, on this blog for fear of jinxing my boys.

The moratorium ends today–Cards win, Cards win, Cards win!

In a dramatic conclusion to game seven of the NLCS, Yadier Molina struck the decisive blow with a 2-run shot in the top of the ninth inning to finally bring down the New York Mets 3-1. After Endy Chavez robbed Scott Rolen of another home run in what will go down as one of the greatest catches in baseball history, and after Albert Pujols failed yet again to produce with men on base, I thought the Cards were done for.… Read the rest