T. has been cutting my hair for nearly 10 years and knows my head like nobody else in Huntsville. She has every curve, trouble spot, bald spot, and protuberance of my ample 7 \u00be hat-sized head down cold.<\/p>\n
Even on occasions when she might be unsure of the \u201cway I like it\u201d, she asks me, but she also checks my \u201cdossier\u201d on her phone just to be sure: Thin, but longer on top (my hair grows up like a beehive, not out), shorter on the sides, with an even shorter taper down to my neck.<\/p>\n
Over the years, she has been a consummate pro and the best barber I\u2019ve ever had. That is, as long as her own head is on straight.<\/p>\n
Her moods are unpredictable. She is silent and morose at times, chatty and expansive at others. I always try to \u201ccheck the temperature\u201d as I enter her shop and sit down in the chair. Within a couple of minutes, I usually have a good read on the weather conditions and proceed accordingly, bantering and joking around with her if she dictates, remaining silent and only responding to what she says if that\u2019s the mood of the day.<\/p>\n
But regardless of the atmosphere, her haircuts have been like quality controlled Toyotas rolling off an assembly line\u2014nothing flashy, but stylish enough\u2014reliable, and consistent.<\/p>\n
Last Friday\u2019s haircut started off fine. There was a lot to talk about: Hurricane Helene (\u201cWe really dodged a bullet!\u201d), the classic rock songs that were playing in the background, trading hot tips and impressions of current movies and TV series. It being a fall Friday in the South, we eventually arrived at college football.<\/p>\n
I never bring up politics or religion in face-to-face conversations except with friends who are like minded or at least open to civil discussion. It\u2019s not just a clich\u00e9, it\u2019s a survival strategy.<\/p>\n
In Huntsville, a dab of light purple in a deep red state, in order to grease the wheels of society and commerce, there is an implicit understanding\u2014don\u2019t talk politics, and if you find a conversation is turning that way, look for a way out.<\/p>\n
T. at times likes to nibble around the edges of politics without taking a full bite, so I knew she leaned right, but I wasn\u2019t sure how far. On Friday, she started probing and poking the perimeter again as we talked about the next day\u2019s Alabama vs. Georgia game in Tuscaloosa.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m sure that\u2019s going to be another one of their \u2018Ali-Frazier\u2019 knockdown, drag out fights,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, for sure,\u201d T. replied. She\u2019s probably 10-12 years younger than me but old enough to understand the reference.<\/p>\n
She paused, then proceeded, \u201cYou know, I really wish he just wouldn\u2019t go.\u201d<\/p>\n
The small hairs on the back of my neck bristled. I knew she was talking about DJT\u2019s plan to attend the game. I also knew this could spell trouble, but I felt we were still standing on common ground.<\/p>\n
\u201cI agree,\u201d I said, \u201cGame Day traffic in Tuscaloosa is bad enough without adding a large motorcade and even more security than normal,\u201d I replied. Leave it there and start looking for a way to change the subject, I told myself.<\/p>\n
But T. proceeded. \u201cIt\u2019s the security I\u2019m worried about,\u201d she said. \u201cI\u2019m afraid somebody will try to take him out again.\u201d<\/p>\n
I felt the sharp tug of DJT\u2019s \u201cblack hole\u201d gravitational pull. I searched for a reply while simultaneously looking for an escape route.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m sure it\u2019ll be fine,\u201d I replied. \u201cEven in a regular game the gate security is very tight, metal detectors, police everywhere, and tomorrow it\u2019s going to be even tighter.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSure,\u201d she replied, \u201cbut there are ways around all that.\u201d<\/p>\n
Stop. Quick, think of another topic!<\/p>\n
A catchy, classic rock tune was playing in the background, but for the life of me I couldn\u2019t think of the band\u2019s name or any of the other songs they had recorded.<\/p>\n
Then, my memory started to kick in, letters turning over \u201cWheel of Fortune\u201d style inside my increasingly aerated head, words forming on the tip of my tongue. But it was too late.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou know, if she wins, then we\u2019ll know the system is really rigged,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n
I assessed my predicament. I had a cape on, and she stood behind me, comb in one hand, scissors in the other. She had finished the top of my head, but she was still working on the sides and back.<\/p>\n
There was no way out. I was about to become both hostage and hostage negotiator, trying to deescalate the situation while securing my own release. I took a deep breath and accepted my fate.<\/p>\n
\u201cHow will you know that?\u201d I asked as calmly and evenly as I could.<\/p>\n
\u201cBecause of TikTok. The mainstream press will never tell you this, but everyone<\/em> on there hates her!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou know, once those social media algorithms start to figure out what you like to eat, they feed you even more, regardless of which side you\u2019re on,\u201d I replied.<\/p>\n Her voice rising, she replied, \u201cOh no, I\u2019ve \u2018liked\u2019 posts from both sides, but I still get more anti-H than any other!\u201d<\/p>\n Her assertion was neither airtight nor statistically rigorous, but I wasn\u2019t going to press the issue. But I didn\u2019t have to, because she was off and running.<\/p>\n She told me that H. is \u201cnot really black\u201d and neither is her father. \u201cHe is so light skinned. He\u2019s not really Jamaican, in fact, he wasn\u2019t even born there.\u201d<\/p>\n Those last two statements aren\u2019t true, but rather than disagree or opine on the weird fixation that humans (especially white people) have with skin color, I asked, \u201cHave you ever seen the picture of her father holding her when she was a baby?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell, check it out. For many people of all races, especially those with more melanin, their skin color can change with age. Hardly any of us have the same pigmentation when we get older.\u201d<\/p>\n She thought about that for a moment, then moved on.<\/p>\n \u201cSpeaking of pictures, you know the one with her \u2018grandmother\u2019 in that book? That\u2019s not really her grandmother. I mean, it\u2019s a small lie, but it does make you wonder.\u201d<\/p>\n I didn\u2019t know the picture or book she was talking about, but the juxtaposition of an alleged \u201csmall lie\u201d with The Big Lie nearly caused me to choke.<\/p>\n I looked in the mirror as she stood behind me, trimming the sides of my head and making her way toward down the back, pausing every now and then to gesticulate madly. It was a full-on QAnon and MAGA firehose now, so I stayed quiet and very still.<\/p>\n I started going to T. because my previous barber talked nonstop, not only about politics and conspiracy theories, but to anyone else in the shop. Her haircuts were great at first, but over time, she became less focused on her work and the quality became spotty to the point that I never knew what my hair was going to look like when she finished.<\/p>\n T. had never been like that. Until now.<\/p>\n As she unclipped my cape, she repeated her assertion that many more people supported DJT than H. and that she couldn\u2019t understand how the polls showed them essentially tied. I, too, wondered that, but for different reasons.<\/p>\n Before I stood up, I said, \u201cYou know, T., there\u2019s a lot of noise out there. Some of it\u2019s true signal, but a lot of it is just static. Until the votes are counted, none of us is really going to know what the situation is. And regardless of what happens, we\u2019re all going to have to accept things and move on, right?\u201d<\/p>\n She was silent. I took advantage of the gap and looked down at the floor. Laughing, I said, \u201cWow! Look at all that hair! You really went to town!\u201d<\/p>\n Yesterday, I was sitting with S. when she asked, \u201cWhat happened here?<\/p>\n \u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d I asked. \u201cWhere?<\/p>\n \u201cOn your neck.\u201d She took a picture and showed it to me.<\/p>\n At the center of my hairline, normally a smooth, sweeping arc conforming to the curvature of my neck, was a nibble.<\/p>\n It wasn\u2019t a full bite, but it was a little too much off the back.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" T. has been cutting my hair for nearly 10 years and knows my head like nobody else in Huntsville. She has every curve, trouble spot, bald spot, and protuberance of my ample 7 \u00be hat-sized head…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-11738","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-general","comments-off"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ocularfusion.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11738","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ocularfusion.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ocularfusion.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ocularfusion.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ocularfusion.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=11738"}],"version-history":[{"count":24,"href":"https:\/\/www.ocularfusion.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11738\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":11763,"href":"https:\/\/www.ocularfusion.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11738\/revisions\/11763"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ocularfusion.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=11738"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ocularfusion.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=11738"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ocularfusion.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=11738"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}