{"id":500,"date":"2007-01-08T07:14:26","date_gmt":"2007-01-08T13:14:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.ocularfusion.net\/?p=500"},"modified":"2022-01-02T07:38:46","modified_gmt":"2022-01-02T12:38:46","slug":"desperate-times-desperate-measures","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ocularfusion.net\/?p=500","title":{"rendered":"Desperate Times, Desperate Measures"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>I hear tell there&#8217;s going to be some kind of football game tonight, yea, even a so-called national championship.<\/p>\n<p>Prognosticate away. The winner will receive a signed copy of my memoir, <em>Confessions of a Middle-Aged Optometrist.<\/em><\/p>\n<p>I find myself in dire straits this morning. On the one hand, rooting for the Florida Gators cuts against every grain of my being. On the other hand, I want more than anything to shut up the yapper of <a href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Kirk_Herbstreit\">this guy<\/a> and the rest of the ESPN talking heads who have spent the last month and a half trashing the Southeastern Conference and my adopted home state of Alabama.<\/p>\n<p>Gggggggogogo GGGGaGators. There, I managed to get it out.<\/p>\n<p>Desperate times, desperate measures.\n<\/p>\n<p><!--9f06d175650bf15c6d8cde193e293897--><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I hear tell there&#8217;s going to be some kind of football game tonight, yea, even a so-called national championship. Prognosticate away. The winner will receive a signed copy of my memoir, Confessions of a Middle-Aged Optometrist.&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[43,42],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-500","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-college-football","category-sports"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ocularfusion.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/500","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ocularfusion.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ocularfusion.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ocularfusion.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ocularfusion.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=500"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.ocularfusion.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/500\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9821,"href":"https:\/\/www.ocularfusion.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/500\/revisions\/9821"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ocularfusion.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=500"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ocularfusion.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=500"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ocularfusion.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=500"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}