The phone rang, per usual, at the start of dinner. Probably just another solicitor, I thought.<\/p>\n
But then I saw the caller ID: “Walker, Texas Ranger.” It was a solicitor all right, but it occurred to me that this was one that I had better talk to. Or else.<\/p>\n
“Howdy. This is Walker, Texas Ranger. No really, it’s Chuck Norris, just calling to put in a word for my good friend, Mike Huckabee. When you go to the polls on Tuesday, remember, Huck is the only true<\/em> conservative in the field. So, if you want to protect our country from another Soviet invasion, remember–Vote Mike Huckabee!”<\/p>\n As I hung up the phone, I felt a little dizzy and weak at the knees. I could have sworn that the ground beneath me was moving. I looked toward the kitchen table; Eyegal and Numbers Two and Three were gone. In their place sat June (perfectly coiffed and wearing an apron<\/em>), Wally and The Beav, all very well-defined in 1950s black and white. I suddenly became aware of an object in my right hand and the sweet, seductive smell of smoke. I looked down–it was my pipe.<\/p>\n “Ward, dear,” June gently intoned, “sit down–we’re waiting on you. Or perhaps you’d prefer to take your dinner in front of the television. Go ahead, dear, I’ll bring you your paper and slippers.”<\/p>\n Suddenly, the line between life and art had become very blurred, and while I’d previously been certain of how I would vote on Tuesday, now I wasn’t so sure.<\/p>\n<\/p>\n \n<\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" The phone rang, per usual, at the start of dinner. Probably just another solicitor, I thought. But then I saw the caller ID: “Walker, Texas Ranger.” It was a solicitor all right, but it occurred to…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[23,48,44,54,27],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-893","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-current-events","category-family","category-humor","category-nostalgia","category-politics"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ocularfusion.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/893","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ocularfusion.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ocularfusion.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ocularfusion.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ocularfusion.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=893"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.ocularfusion.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/893\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9473,"href":"https:\/\/www.ocularfusion.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/893\/revisions\/9473"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ocularfusion.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=893"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ocularfusion.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=893"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ocularfusion.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=893"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}