{"id":90,"date":"2006-02-27T07:15:00","date_gmt":"2006-02-27T11:15:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.ocularfusion.net\/?p=90"},"modified":"2022-01-02T07:39:52","modified_gmt":"2022-01-02T12:39:52","slug":"my-favorite-barneyisms","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ocularfusion.net\/?p=90","title":{"rendered":"My Favorite Barneyisms"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><a href=\"http:\/\/www.ocularfusion.net\/wp-content\/blogger\/168571.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"108\" height=\"165\" align=\"left\" src=\"http:\/\/www.ocularfusion.net\/wp-content\/blogger\/168571.jpg\" \/><\/a>There are many who are weighing in on the passing of <a href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Don_Knotts\">Don Knotts<\/a>, American funnyman whose iconic character of small-town deputy <a href=\"http:\/\/en.wikipedia.org\/wiki\/Barney_Fife\">Barney Fife<\/a> memorialized the earnest efforts of all downtrodden, skinny, bug-eyed low men on the totem pole everywhere who have ever longed to make a difference and be taken seriously.<\/p>\n<p>And of course, many are waxing eloquently, much better than I ever could. Some good tributes can be found <a href=\"http:\/\/www.nytimes.com\/2006\/02\/27\/arts\/television\/27knot.html\">here<\/a> and <a href=\"http:\/\/www.latimes.com\/news\/nationworld\/nation\/la-na-donknotts-obit,0,6517299.story?coll=la-home-headlines\">here<\/a>. I thought my humble contribution to the cause would be to list some of my favorite &#8220;Barneyisms.&#8221; I just hope I can get through these without having to take a hit off my asthma inhaler:<!--more--><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>&#8220;Now here at the Rock we have two rules. Memorize them until you can say them in your sleep. Rule number one: obey all rules. Rule number two: no writing on the walls.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Gun-drawing practice, ten minutes every day. If I ever have to use this baby, I want to teach it to come to papa in a hurry.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Well, I guess to sum it up, you could say there&#8217;s three reasons why there&#8217;s so little crime in Mayberry. There&#8217;s Andy, and there&#8217;s me, and (patting his gun) baby makes three.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;Nip it in the bud. You go read any book you want on child discipline and you&#8217;ll find every one of them is in favor of bud-nipping.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>Andy: &#8220;Hey Barn, what if they was to ask you if you could sing a cappella, what would you do? Barney: &#8220;Why, I&#8217;d do it! (snapping fingers in rhythm) &#8220;A cappella, a cappella&#8230;well, I don&#8217;t remember all the words.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;If there&#8217;s anything that upsets me it&#8217;s having people say I&#8217;m sensitive.&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>(in the context of not making others jealous with his intelligence) &#8220;Listen, an IQ can be a mixed blessing sometimes. Some people want it and can&#8217;t get it. I got it and have to get rid of it. Life&#8217;s funny that way, you know?&#8221;<\/li>\n<li>&#8220;I&#8217;m a man of the world, Andy. Why, I&#8217;ve been to Raleigh!<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>These are only scratching the surface. How about chiming in with a few favorite Barneyisms of your own to memorialize a man who has graced us all with the gift of laughter.<\/p>\n<p><!--f0f1920a3e0e8e208528c35880709e5d-->\n<\/p>\n<p><!--1398f1e4040cafe2afa3c41f51a3b09c-->\n<\/p>\n<p><!--1398f1e4040cafe2afa3c41f51a3b09c-->\n<\/p>\n<p><!--1398f1e4040cafe2afa3c41f51a3b09c-->\n<\/p>\n<p><!--1398f1e4040cafe2afa3c41f51a3b09c--><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>There are many who are weighing in on the passing of Don Knotts, American funnyman whose iconic character of small-town deputy Barney Fife memorialized the earnest efforts of all downtrodden, skinny, bug-eyed low men on the&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[24,44,45,54,40],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-90","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-culture","category-humor","category-media","category-nostalgia","category-southern-culture"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ocularfusion.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/90","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ocularfusion.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ocularfusion.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ocularfusion.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ocularfusion.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=90"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.ocularfusion.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/90\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":9748,"href":"https:\/\/www.ocularfusion.net\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/90\/revisions\/9748"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ocularfusion.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=90"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ocularfusion.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=90"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ocularfusion.net\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=90"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}