Category: Eyes

The Heartbreak of Presbyopia

As I type these words, my personal chronometer is starting its annual rotation–“44 years”–and the words on my computer screen are crystal clear. No haloes, no fuzz, no fuss. Through the miracle of modern optics, I’ve fooled my brain into thinking that it’s 1984 again, when my limbs were limber and my eyes as sharp as an eagle’s. All is quiet on the Old Age Front. Quiet, that is, as long as I keep my head completely still and my eyes perfectly centered through the sweet spots of my birthday present–a brand spanking new pair of progressive addition, “no-line” bifocals.… Read the rest

Bad Eye Joke #1

Mr. Smith was on his death bed and knocking at the Pearly Gates. He called his son to his bedside and made one final request.

In a raspy voice, he asked, “Son, I’ll be gone soon, but before I go, there’s one of the Great Questions of Life that I must have answered. Please go get Dr. Jones.”

His son looked at his father in confusion; Dr. Jones was the town optometrist, the last person in the world, it seemed, who could do his father any good. But the son was eager to fulfill his father’s dying wish, so off he went to fetch Dr.… Read the rest

Looking Like Larry

Since that fateful day that I began baring my innermost soul in Ocular Fusion, the reader need only refer to my rambling, incoherent posts and personal blog profile to uncover some of the more sordid details of my life.

One personal feature that is not apparent, however, is what I look like. I figured at first that keeping my face concealed would add a sort of J.D. Salinger style mystique that would be good for business. But an incident at work last week convinced me that, for better or worse, I need to uveil my mug to the world.

I look like Larry.… Read the rest

The Lawnmower Man

Here’s a blast from the past. About five years ago, I published this story in Optometric Management, one of our trade rags that I contribute to now and then. “Mr. Skinner,” if you’re still out there driving that John Deere, keep on truckin’, but watch out for that…doh!…never mind.


It seemed he’d helped me more than I’d helped him.

Mr. Skinner kept his independence through difficult circumstances. He was legally blind but he refused to let that take away his freedom of living.

Recently, he came to my office for his annual exam. The familiar tapping sound and a glimpse of his red-tipped cane made me recognize him immediately.… Read the rest

An Office With a View

Many dream of a corner office with a great view. I don’t exactly have a stunning view from my office window, but when I look into the eye–the “window” of the body–I behold a sight which still leaves me breathless: a reddish-orange ocean and crisscrossing canals of branching blood vessels delivering and returning their life-giving load.

On a day when scripture may seem a little arcane, my prayers dry and stale and everyone (including me) possessed of the devil himself, God often whispers to me, through the beauty of this intricate organ of sight, “Peace, be still. Everything’s gonna be awwwright now.”… Read the rest