The Naked Dream

“The man and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.”

–Genesis 2:25

“Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves.”

–Genesis 3:7

Yesterday was Number Three Son’s first day of public high school. Like his brothers, he was homeschooled for the first eight years (oh my, the poor barefoot, sheltered, undersocialized, top-buttoned-up little thing!) and now we’re turning throwing him into the deep end of the pool. Sink or swim, son. That’s life.

He woke up considerably earlier than usual yesterday and made the necessary ablutions and preparations (including turning on the early edition of Sports Center). I asked him how he had slept the night before.

“Not very well at all,” he replied.

“Why not?” I asked.

“I kept having this dream. Every time the bell would ring and we would change classes, I would be standing in the hall buck naked and everybody else would have their clothes on.”

Ah yes. There is appointed unto man a time to be born, a time to die, and, in between, about a gazillion times to dream The Naked Dream. Last year, it was me dreaming the psychadelic stuff, and now it was his turn.

So far, I’ve been naked on a plane, on a train, at work, in a lecture hall in front of several hundred of my professional peers, during a piano recital when I was 10-years-old, in church delivering the communion talk, on the soccer field, running down the street in my Nike Air Max trainers, on top of Mt. Everest (with no supplemental oxygen!), taking National Board exams and roller blading down the street in front of my house.

Shoot, I’ve even had a few dreams where I was supposed to be naked but was standing there fully clothed! Talk about adding insult to injury.

As far as interpreting The Naked Dream, it’s pretty much Freud 101. Anytime we feel anxious and inadequate, fearing that we don’t have “the right stuff” to accomplish a certain difficult task, off come the clothes. I explained that to Number Three Son and told him that dreaming The Naked Dream was to be expected in this situation and that everybody does it.

I went on to tell him that as we gain experience and competence, articles of clothing gradually start to be added back on: first the socks (not much better), then the boxers or briefs (about the same as swim trunks, really), next the shirt (actually pretty cool–think Tom Cruise in Risky Business) and finally those blessed blue jeans.

Of course, you and I both know that last part’s not true, but I’m his father and I had to say something reassuring–that’s my job.

I’m pretty sure The Naked Dream is hardwired into our collective subconsciousness considering that everybody seems to dream it–a lot. Maybe it has something to do with that little “incident” which supposedly took place in The Garden a few hundred generations back.

Whatever the case, I hear tell that another day is dawning when we will return to our primeval nonchalance and walk around around–buck naked–using some kind of new body which (and may this be true!) will not respond so willingly to the relentless tug of gravity and won’t snap, crackle and pop when we get out of bed in the morning.

I know, I know, in this day and age, it sounds like a long shot. But hey, a guy can dream, can’t he?

  1. Mike the Eyeguy

    I’m afraid to ask, so I won’t. But on the other hand, if some of you want to volunteer, then that’s another story.

    But please remember, I’m rated PG.

  2. mmlace

    Oh good, the ‘Eyeguy’ is back…much better! I can only recall once or twice that I’ve dreamed the ‘naked dream’ but I can’t really remember any specifics of when it was or why. Most people that I hear of have really interesting dreams every night. I ALMOST NEVER remember ANY of my dreams. I’m not sure that’s normal…

    And it makes me wonder if I’m missing out on anything important, you know…any message or anything that I’m supposed to be learning from my dreams?

  3. Hal

    Wow. Your blog seems to imply that the Naked Dream is a rite of passage, or perhaps something that everyone experiences. I can’t ever recall dreaming that I was naked in an inappropriate place. That doesn’t mean that I haven’t dreamt it. Like “mmlace,” I may just not remember it.

    My reoccuring dream involves enrolling in a college class and not showing up for it until the final exam. It’s kind of on the same theme – totally unprepared.

  4. Brady

    As the prophet Joel says: Your sons and daughters will prophecy; Your youth will have visions; The aged will have dreams.

    I am happy to be able to peer into your son’s, and your psyche through the telling of dreams. Amazing what you can learn about someone through a blog.

    Been up any towers, or down long hallways, or opened any boxes in your most recent dreams? Just wondering.

  5. Donna

    I have had many naked dreams. I think the worst is not realizing you are naked until everyone else has….

    As for the new body….if I can go around naked AND not be self-conscience or obsessed with inferior parts (as compared to alien barbie-type models) I am all for it!!!

  6. Lynda Bee

    I think everybody has them. My kids still remember when I told them that I had a dream I was naked, “on the throne”, and my husband invited the whole Praise Team into the bathroom to hangout. Defintately a new way to entertain!!

  7. Sigmund Freud

    Vely, vely interlesting…

  8. Alan gable

    I have no idea what you’re talking about with this so called “naked dream” business. I’ve never felt inadequate to anything. I’ve got it altogether…

    (Just so we’re clear, this statement is laced with sarcasm. My humor doesn’t always translate into written form.)

  9. That Girl

    I don’t have the Naked Dream. I have the “didn’t go to class all semester and now have to take the exam” dream.

  10. Siggy

    Alan–don’t vorry. Vee caught the HUME-or.

    TG–that ees a similar von. But zee question ees: How does theese make you feeeeel?

  11. Lynda Bee

    The dream I probably have at least once or twice a week is that I’m back at Harding, and realized 1) – I’ve forgotten to go to a particluar class for an entire semester, and 2) – I can’t remember my mailbox combination. I’m really getting tired of it! 🙂 Know any ways to spark some new dreams? (picturing others nekked is not a preferable option!)

  12. Mike the Eyeguy

    Lynda Bee–Relax. It’s been 24 years now–Harding is not going to take back your diploma.

  13. Siggy

    Leenda Bee–

    Your combeenation lock dream is vely, vely interlesting.

    You vork vith numbers, no? Try theese von:

  14. Lynda Bee

    woo hoo! I”m playin the Lotto now!

    24 years Mike – say it ain’t so! Ahhh…. feels like yesterday (except for my aching knees! Wish I had kept up the running like you did – now the only exercise I get is doing 15 loads of laundry each week!)

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