*Beep*…Dear Dr. P., I Won’t Be Coming Today

I suddenly realized a few minutes ago that I have an appointment to get my teeth cleaned at noon today. Long time readers may recall how I feel about that.

I’m really (ahem) “way too busy” to make that one this time, so I called and left the following message:

Hey, Cindy (the receptionist), it’s Mike the Eyeguy. Look, you know how much I value good dental hygiene, probably as much as the next guy, but I was looking at my teeth last night, and really, the coffee stains aren’t that bad (sort of a light beige rather than the usual dark brown) and they’re only a few pieces of the previous six months’ meals stuck in the crevices, so really, I’m in pretty good shape.

There are folks out there in much worse condition than me (believe me, I know–some of them are my patients) and I would like to offer up my noon teeth-cleaning appointment to one of those poor souls as a humanitarian gesture in honor of the spirit of international cooperation and goodwill engendered by the upcoming Olympic Games in Beijing.

Please reschedule me for a Tuesday sometime in early December, preferably 2010.

And please tell Dr. P. that it’s nothing personal, but I just don’t feel like being waterboarded or otherwise tortured today. Thank you.

Have a nice day and go Duke (her son is a recent grad)!

  1. Stoogelover

    For what it’s worth, I had an uncle who practiced dentistry for many, many years over in Athens, Alabama and his professional opinion was to stay away from dentists unless you had a dental problem. He was very much against dental cleanings . . . said they did more damage to the enamel than they did good. I take his opinion very seriously!! I go to a dentist when I have a problem. My wife used to go for regular checkups / cleanings. She has had far more fillings than I ever had. Is there need for any further proof??

  2. Mike the Eyeguy

    No, there’s not, I’m convinced. Although after the pain wears off, I do enjoy that fresh, minty feeling.

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