Category: Sports

The $32 Million Dollar Question

Someone reached my blog yesterday via the $32 Million Dollar Question:

Is Nick Saban an atheist?

I’m pretty sure MM didn’t give NS a religious litmus test.

On second thought, maybe he did.

… Read the rest

Three Things I’m Trying to Figure Out

Here are three things I’m trying to figure out:

  1. Why schools are giving so much homework these days (Allison, who really wants to be a Tar Heel anyway?)
  2. Why a high school student would actually like homework (Jennifer dear, get a life)
  3. What’s causing all those thumping noises in my house at 3:00am (Get in Bed! NOW!)

After I get a grip on these, I’ll start on how spending $32 million on a football coach will improve the the quality of academics at the University of Alabama (there may be more to that answer than meets the eye).

… Read the rest

A Bright and Shiny Day in the Sunny South

The morning after the 41-14 Gator feed, I offer the following thoughts:

  • Someone has already manned up and starting eating his crow. I think there are a few others who need to step up to the plate. Herbie? Lee?
  • Did you see all those offensive formations that Florida flashed last night? I’m pretty sure that if you slow down the game film, you’ll see that the Gators snuck in the waterboy, a cheerleader and even the university president on a few of those plays.
  • Is it worth pointing out that the the listless and lowly Shula-laden Tide were leading the Gators in the 4th quarter in Gainesville?
… Read the rest

Desperate Times, Desperate Measures

I hear tell there’s going to be some kind of football game tonight, yea, even a so-called national championship.

Prognosticate away. The winner will receive a signed copy of my memoir, Confessions of a Middle-Aged Optometrist.

I find myself in dire straits this morning. On the one hand, rooting for the Florida Gators cuts against every grain of my being. On the other hand, I want more than anything to shut up the yapper of this guy and the rest of the ESPN talking heads who have spent the last month and a half trashing the Southeastern Conference and my adopted home state of Alabama.… Read the rest

C’est la vie

Among the immutable facts of life this morning:

  • A new Bama head football coach will be greeted at the airport like a Messiah
  • Relatives will get together over the holidays and pass both the good cheer and the common cold from one person to another
  • No matter how much vacation you take from work, it’s never enough
  • A boss will overlook the 99 things you did right and focus on the one thing you did wrong
  • The new party in power will “usher in a new era” with overdone rhetoric and revelry

Please feel free to pitch in with a few immutable facts of your own.… Read the rest

De Plane, De Plane! No Really, I’m Not Kidding This Time

de-plane.jpg

(photo by Michael Palmer of TideSports.com)

Update 1/4: Hmmm. Pom poms instead of palm leaves…a Lear jet instead of an ass…

… Read the rest

Dear St. Nick–Take the Money and Run!

Dear St. Nick:

I know it’s customary to write to you before Christmas, so I hope it’s not too late. I just have one piece of advice for you: take the money and run, Nick, run!

Meanwhile, just in case things don’t work out, I’m hedging my bets and ordering a Boise State t-shirt, despite the fact that I’ve never set foot in the state of Idaho.

… Read the rest

Make That 47

True story:

In the fall of 1984, I was a skinny, malnourished first-year graduate student in clinical psychology at Virginia Tech in Blacksburg, Virginia. This was just shortly before I realized that I wasn’t cut out to be a psychotherapist and needed to work with something I could actually fix–like eyeballs–but I digress.

Moving back to Blacksburg had reignited some childhood allergies which in turn had set off a touch of asthma, and that was the reason that I was in Ellett’s Drugstore on Main Street looking for drugs–any and all, please–that would give me a few moments of relief. After scooping up and paying for enough OTC medications to anesthetize a herd of charging elephants, I started out the door.… Read the rest

Where There’s Smoke, There’s a Hire

If this can be believed, then today is the day an eager Crimson Nation spots puffs of smoke issuing forth from Denny Chimes. Where there’s smoke, there’s a hire.

As soon as the planes start lifting off and landing, I’ll let you know.

Meanwhile, it’s 16 degrees with a 4 degree wind chill factor in Huntsville this morning. For you weather buffs, those are the same conditions as International Falls, Minnesota, long-considered the cold standard in the United States. Contrary to the song, we really don’t have too many “frosty mornin’s” in Dixie any more, and we’ve got the lightweight, ineffective coats to prove it.… Read the rest

They’re Such a Normal Couple

This exchange is making the rounds:

RR: (on his meeting with UA AD MM): “I’ve got a good job. But I respect Coach Moore and I wanted to listen to what he had to say.”

Reporter: “How long did the meeting last?”

RR: “I’d say about 25, 30 minutes.”

(Then apparently turning to Mrs. RR) “How long did it last, Rita?”

Mrs. RR: “Ninety minutes.”

RR: “Oh. “

(Turning back to reporter) “Well, we didn’t talk about anything specific. We didn’t talk about plans or facilities or anything.”

Ninety minutes of nonspecific discussion (yeah right). But they’re such a normal couple, aren’t they?… Read the rest

Will Rod Get the Nod?

challenger-604.jpgThe Crimson Nation is all atremble this morning at the prospects of having a new HC in our clutches by day’s end. UA AD MM just happened to bump into RR in NYC and they talked turkey. Lots of turkey. Then MM, who had planned to fly on to SB to watch the CT take on ND in BB tonight, got on his chartered Canadair CL-600 Challenger 604 jet in Teterboro, NJ and flew back to T-town instead.

Hmmmmm, strange indeed, wouldn’t you say?

So, will Rod get the nod and get his bod down to T-town in time to save the storied Bama football program and deliver up Lucky #13?… Read the rest

Making a List, Checking It Twice

My source close to the Bama coach search (the bag boy down at Publix whose brother knows somebody who’s a janitor at the football complex in T-town who has the habit of rummaging through the trash) just handed me a copy of Alabama AD Mal Moore’s “To Do” list that he’ll be following today as he attends the College Football Hall of Fame Induction Ceremonies in New York City. Here it is, an Ocular Fusion exclusive:

10. Find limo driver (the one holding the “Roll Tide?” sign)
9. Travel to The Waldorf=Astoria Hotel in style
8. Buy faux Rolexes from the man in the overcoat in Times Square
7.
… Read the rest