Speed Voting

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Wow, I’ve heard of term limits before, but never time limits.

Has anybody else seen anything like this?

I doubt it was enforced, but I had my sample ballot filled out and it still took me probably close to 3 minutes. It made me wonder if older folks who might be a little slow with their eye-brain-hand coordination and wearing who knows what strength of OTC reading glasses might not have a little trouble beating 4 minutes.

When the volunteer checked me in she said that she couldn’t find my name and asked me if I’d moved. She always comes to the first Michael “X” on the list and stops.… Read the rest

The Eyeguy Is Going Rogue!

But then again, you probably already knew that.

If for some reason you actually give a flip on how I arrived at my current political position, you can gain some insight here, here and here.

And then there’s the whole torture thing.

I’m sorry, Republicans, but you really lost me on that one. The party who was in control and authorized that as official US policy needs to take a time out and go sit in some far corner of the political wilderness and think things over very carefully. Get your crap together, bring back somebody credible like Bobby Jindal and run him as your candidate, and you might get my vote back for what it’s worth.… Read the rest

Joe the Tide Fan

p1_tidetattoo.jpgBy a wide margin, Crimson Tide fans outnumber Auburn fans among my patients. For the most part, they’re not white collar professionals and technical people (i.e., engineers, computer programmers, etc), but instead down-home, salt-of-the-earth farmers and laborers who may not be able to tell you a lot about current affairs or the latest bestseller, but who can recall with great pride and fondness their favorite Bear Bryant story or the precise details of that stunning, last-second win back in 19-whatever.

Many of them are as big as 365 lb (and some change) Bama noseguard Terrence Cody, but not nearly as nimble or quick.… Read the rest

Parker v. Parker: “A Good Man Is Hard To Find”

The race for the Alabama 5th Congressional District seat being vacated by Rep. Bud Cramer has been one of the nastiest that I’ve witnessed in a long time. The two candidates, Republican Wayne Parker and Democrat Parker Griffith, have spent considerably more time and money slinging mud and impugning the other’s character than they have actually talking about themselves, their qualifications and exactly how they plan to help their constituents once they’re in office (Update: please see my correction to this paragraph in the comments section).

Just how bad has it been? So bad that even the editorial board at the Huntsville Times is fed up and has refused to endorse either candidate.… Read the rest

It’s About the Pipes, Stupid

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“A full 67 percent of Americans say they’ve seen enough and they don’t want any more presidential debates. The other 33 percent are plumbers who want to hear their name on television.” – Conan O’Brien

McCain front man and pseudo-plumber “Joe” Samuel Wurzelbacher of Holland, Ohio, a.k.a. “Joe the Plumber,” continues to stretch his 15 minutes of fame to the breaking point and beyond.

Apparently, he’s gone all Nashville on us and plans to parlay his recent notoriety and mad music skillz (honed while singing the latest Aaron Tippin tune in the shower) into a recording contract. What a country!

The only question remaining is this: Who will play Joe the Plumber in the made-for-TV movie?… Read the rest

I’m a Socialist, He’s a Socialist, She’s a Socialist, We’re A Socialist, Wouldn’t You Like To Be A Socialist Too?

I’ve had to chuckle a bit at all the talk of socialism over the past few days.

I thought: Hey, aren’t we already a bit socialist anyway?

Correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t our federal government just basically take over our financial system, and under a Republican president no less?

Don’t we already garnish a portion of the wages of working stiffs like you and me and funnel it toward a fund from which we provide health care (Medicare) and financial support (Social Security) for the elderly?

Aren’t I personally part of a system that takes your money–yes, YOUR MONEY–and pools it to provide a vast fund for the health care of our nation’s veterans, you know, the ones who as President Lincoln said, “hath borne the battle” and therefore we have a moral obligation to support?… Read the rest

It’s A Dog’s Life, But It’s Not So Bad When You’re 8-0

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The legions of crimson-clad Bama fans who invaded Knoxville’s Neyland Stadium, turning it into Tuscaloosa-Northeast, weren’t the only ones psyched up about the Tide’s workmanlike 29-9 dismantling of what’s left of the Tennessee Volunteers Saturday night.

As you can see, despite the threat of NCAA sanctions for “extra benefits,” Amazing Gracie the Wonderdog fired up her traditional victory stogie nonetheless.

Come to think of it, Gracie’s life revolves around a full menu of “extra benefits:”

  • The traditional victory cigar, of course, along with the lovely houndstooth collar.
  • An always-full water bowl and endless supply of dog food and glucosamine-fortified treats (she has a touch of arthritis in her hips, poor baby).
… Read the rest

Dad, Uncle Mike Said A Bad Word!

utfla1mp238410_t600.jpgThis picture of distraught Tennessee Vol fans was taken at Florida last year, but it’s probably pretty representative of how they looked toward the end of that 41-17 smackdown in T-town a few weeks later when the Million Dollar Band was firing up The Rammer Jammer.

For those of you from other less-civilized parts of the world, The Rammer Jammer is a traditional, and somewhat controversial, cheer taunt which is heard in the closing seconds of a football game when the outcome has been decided in the Crimson Tide’s favor. Oh sure, it does contain a relatively mild profanity, but that very same word is mentioned in the Bible a bunch of times after all, so it can’t be that bad.… Read the rest

Nice Hit, Wilbur

I saw it live and you’ve probably seen it a gazillion times since Saturday, but the lick that S.E.C. football umpire Wilbur Hackett Jr. layed on South Carolina QB Stephen Garcia is certainly worth watching again, don’t you think?

Hackett, who played linebacker for Kentucky in the late 60s, has pretty much been given a pass on this with even the “Ol’ Ball Coach” Steve Spurrier saying that it was an “accident,” but I don’t know. Watching the way he shuffles his feet, closes down on Garcia and then lays that forearm into him looks more like some kind of flashback to me.… Read the rest

Against The Stream

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Saturday dawned, cool and crisp, autumn having finally made its official appearance in these Southernmost parts. Here summer begrudgingly lingers, sending forth its last waves of punishing heat even as the leaves suddenly turn brown (and only rarely yellow or red) and begin their free-fall toward the welcoming ground. Young and old alike consider this disorderly sequence, and the many dark, discouraging signs that surround us in these trying times, and we long for that first refreshing blast of cool. It perks us up. It gives us hope.

Among the pleasures of the past two days was the chance to sit on the banks of the Tennessee River and watch Number One and his University of Alabama teammates compete in their first regatta of the season.… Read the rest

Spread Eagle, We Hardly Knew Ye

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Last Saturday night we were in Montgomery, so the Auburn-Arkansas game was blacked out, PPV only. I’d been following the game online and when I realized that Auburn was trailing–and driving–with minutes left, I yelled for Number One to follow me to the car so we could listen on the radio.

With first and goal inside the 5, at home, I just knew Auburn was going to gut it out. When they failed to score on 4th and goal, Number One and I, rather than celebrating wildly, just looked at each other, shocked and speechless.

When the Hogs intercepted Kodi Burns’ last pass, I thought about the many people I knew in that stadium, dear friends all, and I looked at Number One and said, “You know, I’m actually starting to feel a little sorry for them.”… Read the rest

The Real Debate Is In East Tennessee

I’ve been bothered by a bit of insomnia lately, but last night I slept like a baby. The difference? Presidential debate #3. Thirty minutes in, I was starting to nod and drool, so to avoid further embarrassment, I stumbled to bed and was out for the night.

I apparently missed some sharp exchanges, but I suspect those were nothing compared to the fireworks taking place at the Real Debate in Elizabethton, Tennessee. There Mark Ciptak, a blood bank employee for a local chapter of the American Red Cross, was trying to explain to his wife Layla the reason behind the loud, smelly brain fart in which he decided to go behind her back while she was still groggy from delivering their third child and change the baby’s name from “Ava Grace,” which they had previously agreed upon, to “Sarah McCain Palin Ciptak.”… Read the rest

O Say, Can You Sling? (The Mud, That Is)

In the comments from this post, Hal made a good observation to the effect that it’s important to take the long view and recall that “mud-slinging” has always been a part of American politics from our country’s inception. Now comes this article from The Washington Post verifying that same point, that verbal low-blows and fear-mongering are “nothing new under the sun.”

For instance, Abraham Lincoln’s enemies once referred to him as a “A Long, Lean, Lank, Lantern-Jawed, High Cheeked-Boned Spavined Rail-Splitting Stallion” (“spavine” refers to a general state of deterioration or decrepitude), and on another occasion as a man who “could ruin more liquor than all the boys of the town together.”… Read the rest

Dad To Son: Eat Right, Study Hard, Vote Well

Dear Number One Son,

By now, I hope you’ve received your absentee ballot for your very first presidential election. It’s your ticket to full-fledged citizenship, so try not to lose it beneath that Mt. Everest-sized laundry pile on your dorm floor.

(click here for the rest)

… Read the rest