Category: Movies

The Dreaded “G”

I have come to the point where I question the validity of online quizzes, inventories and assessments. Why you ask?

Because of this:

Free Online Dating

This is the so-called “rating” that Ocular Fusion received when I visited the site “What’s My Blog Rated?”

That’s right, after nearly two years of edgy, envelope-pushing, controversial-topic-broaching, blood-pressure-popping blogging, all I get is the “Dreaded ‘G.'” I thought for sure I would get at least a PG, maybe even a PG-13 what with an entire category devoted to the topic of “Sex” and all. Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would merit the money-making “R,” but a “G?”… Read the rest

C’mon In Boys, The Water Is Fine–Part 2

There are certain immutable laws of the universe which govern the course of the day. The sun rises in the east and sits in the west. Politicians will talk a good game, and when push comes to shove, fail to follow through (or use their fists instead). And whenever I absolutely have to be somewhere in a hurry, I will inevitably end up behind an octogenarian in an Olds. Or in this case, a memaw in a Marquis.

There were no cars behind me or coming toward me, and it would have been a simple matter to have downshifted, crossed the double yellow, and blown granny’s doors off on my way to church.… Read the rest

C’mon In Boys, The Water Is Fine–Part 1

“Well that’s it, boys. I’ve been redeemed. The preacher’s done warshed away all my sins and transgressions. It’s the straight and narrow from here on out, and heaven everlasting’s my reward…Neither God nor man’s got nothin’ on me now. C’mon in boys, the water is fine.”

–Delmar O’Donnell in O Brother Where Art Thou

The phone rang in the middle of the night, shattering my blissful slumber like a Louisville Slugger against a plate-glass window.

Okay, whoa—better nix the miserable metaphor and start over. It was really only 10:30pm. But after the kind of day I had Sunday, I needed the extra rest.… Read the rest

Stranger Than Fiction

I know that tawdry stories such as this and this can catch a person’s eye like a bad case of conjunctivitis. Life is truly sometimes stranger than fiction.

So may I humbly suggest that this weekend you focus your peepers on this instead.

Thanks to my favorite law professor for recommending Stranger Than Fiction. It’s not often that I gush over a movie rental. But this morning, I’m overflowing like Old Faithful. Will Farrell, Maggie Gyllenhall, Emma Thompson, Queen Latifah and Dustin Hoffman combine to produce a sober but soothing feast snack for the soul. There’s also a delightful reference to Space Camp for you Huntsville folks, plus some funny cameos by some guys whom you’ll recognize immediately.… Read the rest

Huntsville, Alabama–Hollywood Down South

There is almost a European-like energy here where everyone was not just friendly, but engaged. I suddenly had this revelation that what I had put on page actually existed and it was Huntsville, Alabama.

–Jordan Walker-Pearlman, director of the movie “Constellation”

My first exposure to Huntsville, Alabama was in the James Michener novel Space. Having previously lived in Birmingham and Nashville prior to moving to Huntsville in 1993, I can recall thinking that myspace-and-rocket-center.jpg adopted hometown was just a touch too tame. I mean after you’ve visited the U.S. Space and Rocket Center and stood at the base of that 363 foot Saturn V rocket which sits beside I-565, what else is there to do?… Read the rest

Run Eyeguy! Run!

That day, for no particular reason, I decided to go for a little run. So I ran to the end of the road. And when I got there, I thought maybe I’d run to the end of town. And when I got there, I thought maybe I’d just run across Greenbow County. And I figured, since I run this far, maybe I’d just run across the great state of Alabama. And that’s what I did. I ran clear across Alabama.

–Forrest Gump.

I believe God made me for a purpose, but he also made me fast. And when I run I feel His pleasure.

Read the rest

You’ll Shoot Your Eye Out!

Tis the season for the Sojourner Class at our church to watch some Christmas movies and try to unpack a few spiritual lessons. Last year, we spent a few weeks watching It’s a Wonderful Life, and so far this year we’ve viewed and discussed clips from Miracle on 34th Street and The Bishop’s Wife.

christmas_story_c.jpgThis Sunday we’ll be watching A Christmas Story. As you might recall, that’s the one where little Ralphie Parker (played by Peter Billingsley) sets his heart on the mother of all Christmas presents: “an official Red Ryder, carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle, with a compass in the stock and ‘this thing’, which tells time.”… Read the rest

Lady in the Water–A Review

lady_in_the_water_ver2.jpgBoy, the things a guy’s got to go through to tell a bedtime story these days.

If you’re director M. Night Shyamalan, it means that first you part ways with long-time partner Disney after they excoriate your latest project, Lady in the Water. Then when the film is produced and released by Warner Brothers, it means you must run a gauntlet of cynical and surly critics, the same ones that mercilessly panned your signature film, The Sixth Sense, when it debuted (plus every movie you’ve released since). While Shyamalan seems somewhat hurt and nonplussed by all the fuss (listen here to his comments from an NPR interview broadcast the day before the movie’s release), he remains confident that his vision will be accepted by both his longtime, core fans and moviegoers at large.… Read the rest

Correction–It’s the Doughboy!

Thanks to Scott Freeman, we now have some new information to mull over this morning regarding the Burger King-Antichrist connection.

In the comments section of yesterday’s post, Scott chimed in with this pearl:

“You know the founder of Burger King was COC right?”

I replied:

“Get out of here! Really? No, I wasn’t aware of this, but that does thicken the plot considerably.

Well, now that you’ve piqued our curiosity, we’re waiting with bated breath to hear more. Do you happen to know if he was premillenial or amillenial?”

Then he shot back:

“I may be wrong. But during my first youth ministry gig I worked with a former missionary to Brazil.

Read the rest

Dear NPR–Look No Further, I’m Your Man!

radio_microphone.jpgDear Anonymous National Public Radio (NPR) employee,

Thank you for stopping by Ocular Fusion at 1:49:04 PM on Thursday, June 1, 2006. I noticed that you didn’t reach my blog via a referring link such as a search engine or another blog. That probably means that you either had my site bookmarked or perhaps emailed to you by one of the many talent scouts whom you’ve no doubt commissioned to scour the highways, byways and backwoods of America for fresh, emerging commentators and writers such as yours truly.

I’ll try to overlook the fact that you didn’t browse through any of my posts and that my stat counter indicated that you stayed approximately “0 seconds” before moving on.… Read the rest

The Da Vinci Nap–A Review (Sort of)

Da-Vinci-Man.jpgI wasn’t going to go see that movie this past weekend. I’m just not a bandwagon kind of guy. I’ve studied a little (well, actually a lot) of church history on my own, and when I read the book a couple of years ago, I laughed out loud at the bogus story line.

But then through a weird set of circumstances, I came about two free tickets, so off Eyegal and I went to follow the herd. I figured that it must have been God’s will.

But here’s the truth: I fell asleep. Not once, but twice (I think Eyegal might have punched me the second time thinking that I was about to snore).… Read the rest

See Ralph Run. Run, Ralph, Run!

Faith, purity and prayer. According to Catholic theology, these are the ingredients needed in order to perform a miracle. Unfortunately, Ralph Walker, a 14-year-old hormone-driven parochial school student, has, just in the previous week alone, taken the Lord’s name in vain 211 times, had 22 impure thoughts (along with 22 sins of the flesh), and contemplated murder. For him, faith, purity and prayer are about as rare as rosary beeds and Hail Marys at a fundamentalist tent revival.

Hamilton, Ontario is the setting for the warm and quirky running movie, “Saint Ralph,” recently released on DVD. The year is 1953 in a time when the pre-Vatican II Catholic Church loomed large in the lives of many North Americans, defining and controlling nearly every aspect of their existence.… Read the rest