Looking Like Larry

Since that fateful day that I began baring my innermost soul in Ocular Fusion, the reader need only refer to my rambling, incoherent posts and personal blog profile to uncover some of the more sordid details of my life.

One personal feature that is not apparent, however, is what I look like. I figured at first that keeping my face concealed would add a sort of J.D. Salinger style mystique that would be good for business. But an incident at work last week convinced me that, for better or worse, I need to uveil my mug to the world.

I look like Larry.… Read the rest

I Think I Found It!

Yet another indication that President Bush may actually care about black people, contrary to what is popularly alleged, has turned up in the news. On Wednesday, the President held a lunchtime tete-a-tete with pop’s most famous human rights and AIDS crusader frontman Bono of the megagroup U2. Picking up where they left off at the G8 summit in July, the two discussed various topics including African AIDs relief, malaria control and world poverty.

Never short of chutzpah in the presence of world leaders, Bono has actually been very complimentary of Bush lately. In a Rolling Stone Magazine interview set to hit newstands today, Bono praises the POTUS for his administration’s $15 billion dollar outlay for African AIDS relief, much of which is being used to purchase and distribute needed anti-retroviral drugs.… Read the rest

Stadium seat, anyone?

I know two or three of you are waiting with bated breath to read what I’m going to say after the demise of my beloved Cardinals last night. I was hoping that if we were destined to lose that we would at least avoid going “quietly into that good night.” Alas, we went not with a “bang,” but a “whimper.”

A hat tip to the Astros pitching staff who tamed the mighty Cardinal bats and also to the rally-squelching 2nd base umpire in last night’s game who somehow saw the “phantom tag”–you guys make a great team. I really do wish Houston the best, but I just want you to know that it’s hard for me to think of your team without thinking of the guy pictured to the right.… Read the rest

Note to Wilma: Get Lost!

Whenever I hear the name “Wilma” usually two things pop into my mind: my mom’s friend in Virginia and Fred Flintstone’s longsuffering wife.

That may soon change. This morning, Hurricane Wilma, the third Category 5 storm to form this season is now churning her way toward the Gulf. She is presently the second strongest storm to have ever formed in the Atlantic Basin and by this weekend will likely pose a “significant threat” to southern Florida.
One wonders if there is not some diabolical mind out there who has created a weather machine and is bent on destroying us. If this one makes landfall as expected, it will once again test our resolve and resources to the extreme.… Read the rest

Dear God, Are You Looking for a Team?

Albert Pujols rescued the St. Louis Cardinals from the brink of elimination a few moments ago with a dramatic 9th inning, two-out, three run shot off of Brad Lidge to give the Cardinals a come from behind 5-4 win and keep alive their hopes in the NLCS. In the process, he kept alive America’s hopes of not having to suffer through the most boring World Series in MLB history (‘Stros v. Chisox).

It’s back to the comfortable confines of Busch Stadium now (scheduled for demolition after the final out this year) and, God willing, some more Cardinal heroics.

I say “God willing” because it appears that, despite my fears expressed earlier, God has dumped the Angels and may be looking for a team to sponsor.… Read the rest


Ever since the First Council of Nicaea, Christians have been getting together to hash things out. Now that the blogosphere has taken the Christian world by storm, it was only a matter of time before the first God Blog Convention was convened.

Although I’m enjoying reading all kinds of blogs and especially connecting with other Christians and reading their thoughts, I’m a little skeptical about some of the extravagent claims I’m reading. When it comes to the blogosphere’s potential for ushering in a new era in Chrisitianity, I frankly don’t think ol’ Johann Gutenberg needs to be watching his back.… Read the rest

Restorationists in the News

Sometimes we Church of Christ folks, bless our hearts, can be more boring than a piece of dry toast. Now for those of you who aren’t from these parts, in the South we routinely use the phrase “Bless his/her/their heart” immediately prior to a critical comment in order to cushion the blow and make it more respectable. Around here forthrightness is considered to be, at worst, the 8th Deadly Sin, and at best, rude. Even my wife, a no-nonsense “Show Me” from Missouri, is now peppering her conversations with the magic words. But I digress.

Despite our penchant for plainness, one look around the news does turn up a couple of Restorationists who are making names for themselves.… Read the rest


The messiah is coming. No, not that messiah, the one that is going to rescue USA basketball from total implosion. It looks like Duke coach Mike Krzyzewski ( Coach K) is going to get the nod and none too soon I might add. Rather than begging off and heading to the Bahamas next time the Olympics roll around, Kobe and company will be falling over each other to play for this guy. He quite simply is the best in the business and is the definition of the word class.
Read the rest

The Lawnmower Man

Here’s a blast from the past. About five years ago, I published this story in Optometric Management, one of our trade rags that I contribute to now and then. “Mr. Skinner,” if you’re still out there driving that John Deere, keep on truckin’, but watch out for that…doh!…never mind.


It seemed he’d helped me more than I’d helped him.

Mr. Skinner kept his independence through difficult circumstances. He was legally blind but he refused to let that take away his freedom of living.

Recently, he came to my office for his annual exam. The familiar tapping sound and a glimpse of his red-tipped cane made me recognize him immediately.… Read the rest

O Midget, Where Art Thou?

In a curious case of life imitating art, my old high school friend Eric Ferguson has decided to borrow a few pages from one of my favorite movies in his bid to unseat incumbent Republican Allen Dudley in the Ninth District race for the Virginia House of Delegates.

It’s an interesting time to be a conservative Democrat in Southwest Virginia. The fine, salt of the earth folks there don’t care much for either Blue State, tree-hugging progressives or button-down, country club Republicans. So, what’s a good conservative Democrat to do? Why you fashion yourself the “Pro Guns, Pro People” candidate and conjure up the ghosts of FDR and “Giv’em Hell” Harry Truman of course!… Read the rest

An Office With a View

Many dream of a corner office with a great view. I don’t exactly have a stunning view from my office window, but when I look into the eye–the “window” of the body–I behold a sight which still leaves me breathless: a reddish-orange ocean and crisscrossing canals of branching blood vessels delivering and returning their life-giving load.

On a day when scripture may seem a little arcane, my prayers dry and stale and everyone (including me) possessed of the devil himself, God often whispers to me, through the beauty of this intricate organ of sight, “Peace, be still. Everything’s gonna be awwwright now.”… Read the rest

Anchors Aweigh

This being my virgin voyage into the bloggy cybersea, I feel a little pressure to say something extraordinary. The problem is, I’m a pretty ordinary guy as I’m sure will be plain to all soon enough. My life could be summed up with the following quote:

I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks as if they were great and noble.” –Helen Keller

I probably harbor a secret wish that this will be a million-hits-a-day “mother of all blogs,” but in reality I would be happy to simply converse with a few kindred spirits who share my desire for joy in the journey and my restlessness and longing for the Kingdom Come.… Read the rest