Category: Nick Saban

Dickie V.–You’re Out of Your Depth, Dude

vitalecinderella31-1.jpgTo date, I haven’t jumped on board the “Dump Dickie V.” bandwagon. Yes, unlike fine wine, he has grown worse with age. His clownish antics have grown stale, absolutely.

But I’ve always regarded him like that buffoonish, annoyingly loud, but relatively harmless, uncle at the holiday family gathering who just won’t shut up already with the lame jokes and tall tales but still slips the little kids a piece of candy from his pocket because underneath it all he’s a decent guy with a good heart.

Until now.

Here’s Dickie V. talking about football, of all things, during last night’s Kentucky v.… Read the rest

An Abnormal November


Usually at this time of year, I have no problem tapping my usual sources for a couple of Tide football tickets. November hasn’t been very kind to Bama the past few years, so there’s always been someone anxious to unload them.

This year, not so much. My sources have dried up like an Alabama creek bed in the heat of August. Go figure.

Number One has tickets to the next two regular season games against Mississippi State and Auburn, but he’s had a tough time trying to get the hottest ticket of all, the SEC Championship Game against Florida in Atlanta on December 6.… Read the rest

Nick Saban Is No Atheist, A’ight?

Yet, for some reason many people think he is. Just Google the phrase “Is Nick Saban an atheist?” and see what site you get. Go ahead, try it.

I first noticed this back around the time he was hired, and even today I get about 15-20 people a month who come to Ocular Fusion that way. Wierd. I mean all you have to do is go to Nick’s MySpace page and you can plainly see that he is “Christian–other.”

I take that to mean that he shows up to some kind of church every now and then, but that the “other” refers to those Sundays when he’s worshiping at The Altar of Previous Game Film Footage.… Read the rest

Joe the Tide Fan

p1_tidetattoo.jpgBy a wide margin, Crimson Tide fans outnumber Auburn fans among my patients. For the most part, they’re not white collar professionals and technical people (i.e., engineers, computer programmers, etc), but instead down-home, salt-of-the-earth farmers and laborers who may not be able to tell you a lot about current affairs or the latest bestseller, but who can recall with great pride and fondness their favorite Bear Bryant story or the precise details of that stunning, last-second win back in 19-whatever.

Many of them are as big as 365 lb (and some change) Bama noseguard Terrence Cody, but not nearly as nimble or quick.… Read the rest

Against The Stream


Saturday dawned, cool and crisp, autumn having finally made its official appearance in these Southernmost parts. Here summer begrudgingly lingers, sending forth its last waves of punishing heat even as the leaves suddenly turn brown (and only rarely yellow or red) and begin their free-fall toward the welcoming ground. Young and old alike consider this disorderly sequence, and the many dark, discouraging signs that surround us in these trying times, and we long for that first refreshing blast of cool. It perks us up. It gives us hope.

Among the pleasures of the past two days was the chance to sit on the banks of the Tennessee River and watch Number One and his University of Alabama teammates compete in their first regatta of the season.… Read the rest

Monday Morning Meltdowns

It’s Monday, and hopefully yours is off to a good start. But if it’s not, perhaps I can lend you some much needed perspective with a few Monday morning meltdowns gleaned from fan boards and blogs over the past couple of days. First up, an Ole Miss fan accepts the inevitable:

“We are not today, tomorrow, next week, next century in a position to be competing for conference or national championships in any sport. Period. End of Story. Take it to the bank. Put it in your pipe and smoke it. We can be competitive, but not champions.”

Over in Hawgville, things aren’t any better:

“Yet here we are again, after yet another blowout, and the same old yada,yada,yada.

Read the rest

I Pray For John Parker Wilson

I’ve written several times about the curious intersection between football and religion, here, here, here, and most recently, here.

And now some more grist for the mill.

I just want to know: Was that sign put up before or after the Gator loss to Ole Miss?

Seriously, though, Jesus admonished us to not pray on the street corners. Does a Church of Christ marquee sign count? Yeah, Tim, get us a win every week and don’t let Jesus (and us) down while you’re at it. Nah, that’s not pressure.

Speaking of Churches of Christ, Nashville has one on just about every street corner.… Read the rest

Today Is Eyegal’s Born Day

Although we celebrated this occasion last week with a getaway to Nashville, you might recall I had to cut that short in order to help with the financial bailout plan (that went well, didn’t it?) and the Georgia game (’nuff said).

The bailout plan is still up in the air and now Nick is calling me about Kentucky (good grief, man, don’t you have a staff?), so I’m pretty blasted busy. Fusioneers, please help cover my back by sending some birthday love to Eyegal in the form of a comment or at least a good thought.

Gotta go. Sarah Palin just called–debate prep.… Read the rest

Cognitive Dissonance, Or, OMG, Sarah Palin Wears Houndstooth!

Cognitive dissonance. For me, it could be simply defined like this:


(A tip o’ my houndstooth fedora to DU for contributing to my *cough* “research” into the true nature of Sarah Palin’s refractive error)

Steady, Mike, steady…

No wonder Palin/McCain has a 24 point lead in Alabama. Then again, it could be just all the conservatives who live here. After all, everybody knows a “true conservative” would never support Obama.

Well, on to The Game. I just want my loyal Arkansas readers to know that I love you. I really do. But here’s the plain, unvarnished truth: If Bama brings their A-game, it could get ugly quick (ask Clemson).… Read the rest

Pardon the Interruption; Football’s A’Comin’!

We interrupt our normal Olympic programming to bring you the following important S.E.C. football announcements.

First off, welcome Clemson fans! It seems some literature-loving Tiger (did you know there was such a species?) has linked my post entitled “The Greatest Alabama Fan in the World” to a fan message board and now orange and blue purple (h/t, Number One) Tigers of a different stripe are coming here in droves.

I hope y’all enjoyed the story. Phyllis from Mulga? Ha! She ain’t got nothin’ on Amanda! And believe me, there’s plenty more like that where she came from. It’s going to be LOUD in Hotlanta come 8/30, folks!… Read the rest

A Hot Time In T-town

It looks like it’s going to be a hot time in T-town tomorrow night.

A few minutes ago, I received this email from the University of Alabama Athletic Department:

Dear Crimson Tide Fan:

As we approach the home stretch of our 2007 home football schedule, I want to thank each of you for your support throughout this season, both at Bryant-Denny and at the away venues. You have helped make a difference for Coach Nick Saban and the Crimson Tide football team, and all of us at the University are appreciative of your contribution each and every Saturday.

Certainly, this weekend’s game presents a challenge not only to our team and coaches but to our game management personnel as well.

Read the rest

Uh, Hey Vols

Uh, hey Vols. Uh, hey Vols. Uh, hey Vols.

We just beat the, well, you know, crap out of you.

Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer, give’em, well, you know, heck Alabama!

Roll Tide, Roll!

UPDATE 10/22: For those of you from other parts of the country and world who may be unsure of what I’m talking about, here’s the Full Monty version of the “Rammer Jammer” from field level. This is what it sounded like to Phil Fulmer.

Take a good listen, Tommy–you’re next.

Read the rest

It’s All About “The Process”

Now that the Crimson Nation has suffered through “The Recent Unpleasantness,” it’s time for a sobering return to earth via the good folks at RollBamaRoll and realfootball365.

Okay, Tiders, stop sucking on those Kool-Aid straws. I hate to say I told you so, but, well, I did. I predicted several losses and now I see us finishing 8-4 or maybe even 7-5 after the last two weeks have revealed significant chinks in the armor. Conference USA champ Houston will be coming to T-town this weekend for Homecoming (we have tickets–woo hoo!), and this test will be a real barometer of the direction of the rest of the season.… Read the rest

Eventually Saban Provides National Title

With the resurging Tide catapulting back into the Top 25 for the first time since 2005, ESPN College Gameday will be broadcasting live from Tuscaloosa tomorrow morning. That should give Number One Son a good reason to roll out of the sack long before his usual Saturday wake-up time of twelve noon. It’s my understanding that many will be camping out tonight in the hopes of getting some face time with Chris, Corso and Herbie, but Number One says he will not be among them. As a result, he will likely be more toward the back unless he gets up really early (highly unlikely), and that means he’s going to need a large-print, creative acronym sign in order to leave his mark on a national TV audience.… Read the rest