What’s an American Guy to Do?

fan.jpgAlthough my Plan B (anybody but Brazil) is technically intact, please pardon me if I screw up my face in disgust while I try to choose a side to pull for in the remainder of World Cup 2006. What else is there for an American guy to do when his favorite team is eliminated in group play, all his other alternatives have bitten the dust, and the only remaining choices are Germany, Italy, Portugal and France?

Fortunately, two are relatively easy to eliminate. Italy’s roster is chock full of whiney, flopping phonies who fret more over their pomade and Prada shoes than they do corner kicks and PKs.… Read the rest

Sublime Soccer

sublime ( ) adj. Characterized by nobility; majestic. Of high spiritual, moral, or intellectual worth.

We are now in Day 2 of the 48 hour hiatus between second round matches and the quarterfinals of the 2006 World Cup, and I’m having serious withdrawal symptoms. Seems like a good time to review a couple of the more beautiful goals so far in this tournament.

I believe Argentina is a serious contender with a good chance of advancing to the final. Mexico, however, pushed them to the limit, and as many have commented, if you’re going to go down in the World Cup, you might as well die from a golden goal like that of Argentina’s Maxi Rodriguez.… Read the rest

The Italian Way

Yesterday I wrote about the Brazilian Way and today I turn my attention to the Italians. The Italian Way, simply put, is to hit the deck hard and often.

Probably one of the most troublesome aspects of soccer that casual observers and newcomers notice and comment on is the propensity for players to fake fouls. In soccer parlance, this is called “diving,” and although it isn’t limited to soccer only, in no other sport is it done with such theatrical flair. Typically, a player hits the deck with the slightest touch (or no touch at all), rolls around on the pitch writhing in agony, and is attended to by a bevy of trainers armed with a mini-ER and a stretcher.… Read the rest

The Brazilian Way

brazil 2006.jpgIt’s one thing to pull against the Brazilian National Team in this year’s World Cup (they are the New York Yankees of international soccer after all). It’s quite another to disrespect their style–something that no self-respecting and knowledgeable soccer fan would ever do.

With 5 World Cup titles to their credit and a roster full of stars, including the “world’s best player” in Ronaldinho, who play for top clubs throughout the world, The Little Canaries back up their braggadocio with perhaps the most fluid and creative style of play ever to grace “The Beautiful Game.”

Many Americans naturally assume that these positive results must flow from a well-organized system that, like any successfull American enterprise, spits out world-class football players like an well-oiled assembly line spits out widgets.… Read the rest

A Kiddy Shield?

usa kids.jpgYou may have noticed that whenever the players take the pitch in the World Cup, they always seem to emerge from the tunnel holding hands with innocent looking children bedecked in colorful, cheery kiddy-kits who escort their assigned player and remain with them through the playing of the respective national anthems.

So what’s up with that? I always figured it had something to do with promoting the idea of international brotherhood and goodwill, which of course is perfectly personified in the round, chubby, cherubic cheeks of little children carrying bouquets of flowers.

But then Eyegal (who always seems to see through my blindspots) came up with an interesting hypothesis: … Read the rest

The Great Equalizer

Fact: Ghana is a relatively small, west African country with a population of just over 22,000,000 (49th in the world) and a GDP of $51.8 billion (77th in the world). Yesterday, they declared a national holiday and asked that all industries cut back on power usage, thereby saving enough juice to power the nation’s TV sets so that more of its citizens could watch the USA-Ghana World Cup match.

Fact: The United States of America is the world’s premier superpower with a population of 298,217,215 (3rd in the world) and a GDP of $13.05 trillion (Number One). Yesterday, most of its citizens were not aware that their National soccer team was playing Ghana in the World Cup, and even if they did know, they didn’t care.

… Read the rest

Plan B–Anybody But Brazil

africa_worldcup_germany_2006.gifA few folks have expressed an interest in learning who I will pull for should the U.S. National Team fail to advance in this year’s World Cup.

Well, I’m glad you asked. I’ve been giving that some thought since, I regret to announce, I believe the U.S. will not defeat Ghana today and that the Italians will most likely draw vs. the Czechs (I do hope I’m proven wrong, though). After due consideration, the following list represents the top five teams I will support should the Stars and Stripes fold and go home:… Read the rest

Nothing New Under the Sun

“Our youths love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for their elders, and love to chatter in place of exercise. Children are now tyrants, not the servants of their household. They no longer rise when their elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up their food, and tyrannize their teachers.” — Socrates, Greek philosopher and teacher (470-399 B.C.)

The origins of that quote, like many, are often disputed, but it does illustrate the point that “the problem with today’s youth” most likely dates back a few millennia. I was reminded of this as I read “Tech Creates a Bubble for Kids” in this morning’s USA Today.… Read the rest

O Say Can You See?

O say can you see,
By the dawn’s early light,
What so proudly we hail’d
At the twilight’s last gleaming?
Whose broad stripes and bright stars,
Thro’ the perilous fight,
O’er the ramparts we watch’d,
Were so gallantly streaming?
And the rocket’s red glare,
The bombs bursting in air
Gave proof thro’ the night
That our flag was still there.

Playing a man down in the second half and fending off an Italian attack that in the final minutes of the match resembled a reenactment of the Battle of Fort McHenry, the Stars and Stripes did indeed survive the perilous fight which played out at Fritz-Walter Stadion in Kaiserslautern, Germany this past Saturday.… Read the rest

ROAD TRIIIIP!

Road Trip.jpg

This morning, Operation Get Number One Son Out of the House, Into College and On the Road to Independent Living begins in earnest with a road trip to visit Appalachian State University, Davidson College and the University of Georgia–three colleges in three days.

Among the questions that will be answered on this trip (if not before) are:

  • Will Number One start to get a clue as to what he wants to do for college?
  • Does a 44-year-old man have what it takes to grind out a 1000 mile, 3-day road trip with two 17-year-old boys (Number One and his buddy Zac) who are armed with iPods full of high intensity, eardrum popping music?
… Read the rest

I Hope They Got Their Orange Slices

Kids soccer.jpgQuestion: What happens when the US brings its “best team ever” to the pitch to take on the Czech Republic on the world’s biggest soccer stage?

Answer: They hand us our “scalp.”

“Disappointed” hardly does justice to the mood of US soccer fans across the country this morning as the grizzled, Czech veterans (four starters over the age of 30) utterly dominated and dismantled the Red, White and Blue 3-0 in yesterday’s opener for both teams. For you futbol-challenged folks out there, 3-0 is the approximate equivalent of 30-0 in American football, and in this case the match wasn’t as close as the score indicated.… Read the rest

It’s a Beautiful Day for a Stomach Ache

ussoccerstore_1895_12437467.jpgDue to poor planning on my part, I’ll be working today as the United States takes on the Czech Republic in World Cup Action. Of course the DVR and computer are set to record the match, but it still won’t be the same as watching live, and I’m sure I’ll know the outcome of the match before I get off work.

Hello? What was I thinking? According to this commercial, it’s a beautiful day for a stomach ache, and as tempting as that may be, I’ll try to resist. Pray for me, please.

According to “the experts,” (the same ones that say that soccer is almost as good as…”you know”), the United States will be lucky to stay on the pitch with such Czech stars as Pavel Nedved, Jan Koller and Milan Baros.… Read the rest

Why the World Cup Matters

p1_Ronaldinho2.jpgOn this the opening day of World Cup 2006, my friend Jason Bybee at Already & Not Yet asks a pertinent question: Does anybody care?

Americans, with their provincial love of “home-grown” sports, high-scoring, slam-bam action and jiggly, twenty-something dancers in next-to-nothing outfits, for the most part have never developed a taste for the nuance and intricacy that enliven the soul of “The Beautiful Game.” Jason went on to ask, “What am I missing?”

After counting to ten and taking a short walk, I returned to my keyboard and typed this reply:

It’s an aquired taste, and when it comes to taste, most Americans don’t have very much.

… Read the rest

This Harding Thing of Ours

mpuzo-godfather.jpgI recently wrote of a pleasant serendipity in which I ran into an aquaintance from my alma mater, Harding University, at a Wendy’s restaurant in south Birmingham. It seemed an unlikely turn of events, but as JRB explained in the comments section, all things are possible with “La Harding Cosa Nostra.”

I chuckled at the image of a “Harding mob” (would that make President Burks the Godfather?) spread across the globe helping each other out and doing good for mankind rather than whacking people and eating platefuls of spaghetti on checkered tablecloths while listening to old Frank Sinatra records.

I had no idea then how right he was.… Read the rest

Correction–It’s the Doughboy!

Thanks to Scott Freeman, we now have some new information to mull over this morning regarding the Burger King-Antichrist connection.

In the comments section of yesterday’s post, Scott chimed in with this pearl:

“You know the founder of Burger King was COC right?”

I replied:

“Get out of here! Really? No, I wasn’t aware of this, but that does thicken the plot considerably.

Well, now that you’ve piqued our curiosity, we’re waiting with bated breath to hear more. Do you happen to know if he was premillenial or amillenial?”

Then he shot back:

“I may be wrong. But during my first youth ministry gig I worked with a former missionary to Brazil.

… Read the rest